Whenever I go to the cinema back home in Spain, I am constantly talking throughout the movie. Not in an annoying way, though; my friends and I simply comment on things like “that was stupid” or “I love that costume” or “I recognise that actor from somewhere. Virginia, where have we seen this guy before?” So imagine that that is exactly what I am doing here. I’m talking to you about War and Peace as we watch it –imagine me drinking a cocktail as we speak, too. There we go!
Don’t forget to read first my introduction to these pseudo-live blogs.
Okay, Napoleon times. That is pretty much the only thing I knew and could remember about War and Peace. And I love the score. Is two minutes into the first episode too soon to have a formed opinion on this?
Oh my God, Nino Quincampoix is on this? I had no idea! Who is he playing? He’s French, so the most important character must be Napoleon, obviously. Although he doesn’t really strike me as the typical guy to play Napoleon –there is only one Frenchman who can play Bonaparte, and that is Christian Clavier, hands down.
I love Gillian Anderson in everything she does, and she is splendid here, even though she’s only said two lines so far. I find her bitchiness inspiring. Never change, Gillian.
There are way too many characters on this story and I’m already overwhelmed. I feel like everyone should wear name tags. Preferably explaining who they are related to as well.
Nicola Murray MP is probably the first mother in history who actually roots for her son to go to war (that’s what she was doing, right?) But I quite admire women who go to any lengths for their children.
I wish people still dressed like that. I’d love to wear gowns every day. So fancy. That is something we have lost that we should get back –pretty much the only thing we should bring back. Wearing lovely clothes is pretty much the only good thing women had back then.
Poor Pierre, trying to be a modern boy. Like that’s going to work. Also, I don’t like those two siblings (name tags, please). They look too stuck up. Are they like the Lannister twins or something like that? They’re giving me that weird Jaime-Cersei kind of vibe.
I need help here, how old are they supposed to be? Because it doesn’t make sense in my head. How old is soon-to-be-a-father Andrei?
Pierre is already my favourite character, so timid. NO, WAIT, forget I just said that. He’s into orgies and whores. Not my favourite anymore. And what’s the point of breaking glasses? Now he has to visit his dying father with the worst hangover ever. I’m sure this bit wasn’t in the Audrey Hepburn movie. Henry Fonda would have never agreed to that.
Is everyone related? I’m so confused right now. Lily James is so pretty, though. I want the dress she is wearing. Why can’t I dress like that every day?
It looks like that Sonya is into the blond guy. This is like a soap opera already. Did people use to refer to others by using their full names all the time? Because it seems tiring. In Spain we all have two surnames, so a gossip conversation would be tedious. Oh, so Natasha is basically Emma. That is so cute.
“I’m a little old for you, don’t you think?” says Boris to Natasha. WHAT? Seriously, how old is everyone supposed to be? Aren’t they basically the same age? They look like they’re the same age. Unless Lily James is playing a 15-year-old right now. Is that it? I should have read the book –wouldn’t be as fun to do this, though.
Oh, Waaaait! I just realised that the actor who plays Boris is the same who plays Richard III in The White Queen!!! Fun fact: a friend of mine lent me the DVD a few months ago, and Richard and Anne Neville instantly became my favourite characters, so I refused to watch the final episode because I knew they died in it. Instead, I watched only up to the penultimate one, which ends with their coronation. I will never watch that last episode. I like my endings to be happy ones, thank you very much.
Oh my God, I’m now going to spend the entire episode realising that I have seen every single actor on another TV show before, right?
I don’t get why everyone is so into this dance. They’ve probably never been to a flamenco party. Those are the good ones.
I don’t like this Vassily. He is sneaky, and he reminds me of Alan Partridge with that hair. It’s always about wills, isn’t it? They destroy even the strongest of families.
That blonde woman played Agatha Christie in Doctor Who! I have spent the last five minutes trying to remember where I had seen her before. But forget it for a second. Can we talk about that GIANT URN in the corner of the bedroom? Seriously, it’s massive.
That father-son moment was so sad. I’m not crying, you are.
Holy crap, that woman fights for her son like it’s the last thing she will ever do. That’s British MPs for you.
So far, Andrei sounds like a total jerk. But Jim Broadbent plays his father, which now makes him slightly redeemable. But only a little. The guy is going to war and leaving his wife like he doesn’t give a shit about her (which he doesn’t). She is so going to die during childbirth. So obvious.
Oh, that blond boy is clearly going to die as well. They’re focusing too much on him right now.
How could they fight with those hats? They look like the most uncomfortable things to wear. Handling a sword is already hard enough as it is –not that I have any idea of how to handle a sword, anyway.
So the French have already won. That was way too quick. Or maybe they haven’t. I’m not sure.
Of course, all women can do during the war is worry about the men and what they might be doing and why they haven’t written yet. But let me tell you something: when I take a bath, I don’t have an audience in front of me. Call me shy.
Natasha ends up with Pierre, right? I think I remember Hepburn ending up with Fonda. Anyway, that’s fine, I like Pierre again, talking about how he wants to do something good, now that he is mega wealthy.
Ugh, ugh, ugh!!! I knew those siblings were like the Lannisters!! Ugh, disgusting, disgusting. Dude! Stop fondling your sister!
Of course all the women seem interested in Pierre now. I’d feel ashamed of how women are being depicted right now, weren’t it for the fact that back then a good marriage was their only way to achieve something in life. Now I feel bad for them. But clearly he is going to end up with Natasha, because she was the only one who liked him before he was a count and all that.
Does Andrei want to die? Asking to go on that suicidal mission. He really does not want to go back home to his wife. Moron.
I love battle scenes in period dramas. So tragic and yet so beautiful. And I think I was right about the music. So good.
Oh no, oh no. Give me dozens of men dying, but show me one dead horse and I dissolve into tears. Also, wasn’t blond guy a bit of a coward just now? It feels worse than dying. Especially back then, when it was all about honour and crap. But he actually embarrassed me.
No Pierre, don’t get too close to her. She does weird stuff with her brother! Oh never mind, he’s already having wet dreams about her. Also, I want his bedroom.
Wait, has he just been forced into a marriage? What? I’m confused. If you kissed someone in 19th century Russia, were you automatically engaged? What the hell is this? And most importantly: where was Amelie’s boyfriend? Where? Am I going to have to watch the entire episode again to spot him? Was that his back on the very first scene? Help!