So I Watched GoT’s 8×04, ‘The Last of the Starks’…

Do we only have three episodes left? Are they all going to be feature-length? How am I going to cope with this? These are questions that no one cares about, because right now, we only want to know who is going to definitely die next week (answer: everyone you thought would die in the Battle of Winterfell and then didn’t).

 

 

-I know this is going to be a transition episode before your usual penultimate-episode massacre, but I am so scared someone will die anyway.

-Look! Actors’ names that will definitely show up just to play corpses!

-Is the Winterfell from the credits meant to be in ruins after the battle?

-Geez, show, don’t make me cry again over Dany crying over Jorah!!

-Damn it.

-Theon dies a Stark. Obvs. I don’t know why at first I thought Sansa was going to remove that chain thing around her neck. I know, it makes no sense.

-Sorry, Edd, Lyanna and Beric, you don’t deserve as much grieving screen time.

-Did Varys just throw shade at Dany when she returned to the line? Because it was hilarious.

-Ghost! You don’t deserve your lack of prominence, you cutie.

-Jon is definitely better than anyone at motivational speech-making.

-I still think someone is going to turn into the new Night King.

-At least now they get to be less worried about food?

-Awkward family dinner.

-Gendry is horny.

-I swear I thought Daenerys was going to execute Gendry right there, in front of everyone. It was confusing.

-Sansa is soooo disgusted by Dany’s politics.

-We can all agree the Lord of Light is weird.

-Bran will never not-be creepy in a scene he’s in, ever again.

-“I don’t really want, anymore.” Classic.

-This feels like a frat party where everyone basically gets drunk.

-Sansa does not trust Danyyyyy.

-Are they seriously playing Never Have I Ever?

-This is a frat party.

-Hmm… didn’t Dany also ride a dragon? And kind of birthed them? I feel bad for her (It truly is a men’s world).

-Also, is Tormund revealing to Dany that Jon died and resurrected?

-To be fair, Dany’s #1 fan died last week, so….

-Varys is plotting, I can see it in his eyes.

-Sweet Tormund. You should have realised by now Brienne is not into you.

-I want a gif of Tyrion pouring his wine in Tormund’s horn.

-Drunk Tormund is definitely a drunk frat guy.

-I never cease to be amazed at how much Sansa has learned.

-Adorable, Gendry, but I am also cringing, because we all know what Arya is going to say to that proposal.

-And true to her character, she reminds him that she will never be a lady.

-Ugh, this means Arya will die. Hopefully doing something really cool.

-Back in Frat Winterfell… Jaime sneaks into Brienne’s dorm room.

-Is this happening? Because this has been one slow-burn relationship building.

-Like, six seasons.

-Poor Jaime, he doesn’t know how to hit on a woman. Granted, he’s only ever been with his twin sister, so…

-Tipsy Jon is the best Jon.

-Please, don’t hook up. You are super related. Stop this.

-Dany, you clearly don’t know Jon. If you did, you’d know honour and honesty are like his main traits.

-She sounds too threatening.

-Although she is right. Even if Jon doesn’t want the throne, if people find out, they will force him to take it.

-I must say I am certain Jon’s sisters (or whatever) will prefer him as a king.

-Also, Dany should at this point realise that perhaps she is not the right person to rule. If she truly loves her subjects.

-Jon is so Ned Stark. Remember when Ned told Cersei he knew about the incest? Yup.

-I can see now why it makes sense that Grey Worm survived. Who would command the Unsullied? We don’t want a new commander with only three episodes to go.

-People, please listen to Sansa. She is the only one saying sensible things.

-Dany, seriously, can’t you give the soldiers a couple of days’ rest?

-Arya doesn’t like Dany, either.

-Oh, Jon, you are so stupid.

-Yup, sibling talk time.

-Jon, listen to your sisters…

-Ugh, Jon, yes you are a Stark. Ned did raise you. And anyway, your mother was a Stark.

-Good cut. I didn’t need another scene of someone explaining Jon’s parentage.

-Sansa swore it with a small mouth, though.

-Awww, Jaime is staying in Winterfell with Brienne. That means they will die.

-Ugh, Bronn! I had forgotten he is an idiot now.

-Oh man, is he going to kill them now?

-I can’t watch. I am literally watching this scene through my fingers.

-Bronn the new Tyrell? That would be weird. And anyway, is there anything left?

-Better to give him the Twins. That’s definitely empty.

-Arya and the Hound on the road together, on their way to kill someone. Just like the old days.

-Arya is clearly after Cersei. Or perhaps Sansa is sending her as a spy? I need answers.

-Is Arya on a suicidal mission? She sounds like she is.

-Green Dragon’s (can’t remember who’s who) wings look like shit.

-Tell him, Sansa. Tell him!!

-Of course Tyrion is a bit afraid of Dany.

-Sansa clearly can’t hold the secret much longer.

-Call him back. Call him back!!!

-Aaaand now everyone will know.

-I don’t believe we will never see Tormund again.

-If I were Jon, I would eff off to the North, screw everyone below the Wall.

-Seriously, Jon, you are abandoning Ghost???

-One of two direwolves still alive, and you neglect him because of some dragons.

-Poor cutie lost an ear and everything for you!!!

-Okay, if this is also the last time we see Sam, I am losing it.

-Don’t hold hands on that ship. Romantic stuff is a bad omen on this show!!!

-Aaaand Varys knows, too.

-Varys is right about everything. We are talking about a humble war hero.

-Thank you, Varys, for pointing out how Northerners are not into incest.

-Spain! You guys, Dragonstone is the north of Spain.

-Wait, what?? What did just happen!!???

-ANOTHER dragon killed???

-How on earth didn’t they see that coming?

-You know, you send a small boat first. Ever heard of recon?

-Nooope. Dany, don’t charge against them with your one dragon.

-Run!! Well, fly!!!!

-Fake Pacey is getting on my nerves.

-When did they build so many of those things???

-So, now there’s like thirty people left. That was sad -but seriously, Dany is not planning things properly.

-These men truly needed a few days of napping.

-Okay. STOP! I need someone to tell me, if Cersei told Jaime last season that she was pregnant, how many months into her pregnancy is she now? Please: answers!!!

-Or, you know, is she definitely lying?

-Okay, Missandei is so dead. There is no way Cersei is keeping her alive longer than five minutes.

-Dany really needs to think straight and listen to her advisors.

-So, Dany wants to free the world of tyrants by burning King’s Landing. We need her to sit down and think about that.

-Listen to Tyrion…

-I don’t think Cersei will tell people that she refused Dany’s offer of surrender.

-Varys asks, who do you think will make a better ruler, and Tyrion’s answer is, he doesn’t want the throne. So we know his answer…

-Sadly, Varys is right about men when it comes to heirs.

-Varys is onto something. And again, he’s pretty right about everything he said.

-Does Tyrion think that Varys wants to kill Dany?

-Jaime looks torn about the news of the defeat. And somehow, I don’t like it.

-Unless he has decided to kill Cersei.

-Jaime, don’t.

-Dooooon’t.

-Argh!! Why can’t people be happy on this show?

-Is he going to help Cersei or kill her? I’m so confused.

-Please, someone make Jaime see that he is not hateful!!!

-Because I now fear he is going to kamikaze himself.

-Someone should make a study on how Tyrion and Jaime have looked less and less blond as they strayed further away from their Lannister roots (pun not intended, but I love it anyway).

-The Mountain’s presence terrifies me #JUSTICFEFOROBERYN

-And Dany is there, with, err, twenty eunuchs.

-Have I mentioned before that I would love to see a Qyburn spin-off? Like a prequel of his early days, how he became Dr Fronkonsteen. Come on, HBO, just one more spin-off won’t hurt.

-Tyrion, did you expect any other reply to your demands? You should have seen that coming.

-How tragic is that Tyrion actually needs to repeat to Qyburn that he doesn’t want to hear the screams of children dying?

-Please don’t shoot at Tyrion, please don’t.

-I know he’s become a bit more sentimental, but I think he still has something up his sleeve for these last two episodes.

-Remembering normal Lannister children: Poor Myrcella deserved better than that death. That’s why you can’t fall in love in this show, it automatically marks you as a goner #justiceformyrcella

-But really, Tyrion, I’m suspecting Cersei isn’t pregnant, so that speech is getting you nowhere.

-You know what, now it would be a good time to know what they talked about on the last episode of season seven.

-Isn’t Euron super worried that Tyrion knows about a pregnancy he just found out about?

-Is he dumb?

-Is Yara going to reappear to kill him? I sincerely hope so.

-We all know Missandei is going to die about right now.

-Poor Grey Worm.

-Is she saying Dracarys to summon the dragon or to let Dany know that she has to burn them all?

-Ouch!! I thought they would simply throw her off the battlement.

-Okay, so Cersei is beyond redemption now.

-All I have left to see is if Dany will make it right or go full-on mad as well. It’s obvious we don’t need two mad queens.

-But if Dany takes her dragon and burns Cersei, I can’t really blame her, because Cersei effectively killed her best friend. I mean, the difference will be whether she kills everyone in King’s Landing in the process.

-Dear, so many people are going to die next week – I know I have been saying that since the beginning, but now I mean it!!!!

-And I hope Bronn dies. I used to love him, but now he’s extra arrogant in a non-charming way.

-By the way, did someone mention the new prince of Dorne? I stopeed caring about Dorne the minute Oberyn died, even though the next seasons they filmed Dorne in Spain. But that plot and its characters were so awful that I am still glad they killed those obnoxious Sand Snakes and Oberyn’s partner. What a waste of Spanish sunshine.

-So, yeah, congrats, new Dorne prince.

 

 

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One thought on “So I Watched GoT’s 8×04, ‘The Last of the Starks’…

  1. Am I wrong to feel more saddened by the parting of Jon and Ghost than by the death of either Rhaegal or Missandei? As horrific as both those deaths were, they are entirely on Dany.
    She had been made painfully aware of Cersei’s giant crossbow, anti-aircraft technology development efforts when Drogon was wounded by one of those armor-piercing scorpion bolts. Yet, she exposed both of her surviving “children” to attack in a low-altitude approach to the battle zone.
    Equipping Euron’s fleet and the Red Keep walls with these weapons could not have happened overnight. The upgrade surely would not have gone unnoticed by Varys’ “little birds.”
    Did he intentionally withhold this vital intelligence from Dany because he no longer sees her as a benevolent option for the realm? Yes. Yes he did.

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